single mans guide to couples

The Single Man’s Guide To Snagging (and Shagging) a Couple

As hard as it seems at times, there are certainly things you can do to get a couple’s attention. I’ll be talking more about online methods as they are the most commonly used by swinger couples.

You can thank your lucky stars you found this article for a start because I’m going to share some insider information, being a part of one of those couples you’re trying to snag (and shag!) I figure my perspective might be helpful… or not, but you decide.

There are a few ways to meet couples such as going to Swingers Clubs when they have nights they let single guys in, but they are very selective so it can be difficult. I’ve written this aimed at putting your profile on a dating/swinger website since it’s the more common way to meet couples. The good news is that everything I suggest here can be used for meeting single women too.

So here we go, you may need a pad and pen to write some of this stuff down or else print it and highlight it. First step is to get onto an online swingers site. There are plenty of sites around the world, Google is your friend.

Let’s start with your profile pictures…

What not to do – Only have pictures of your penis. Imagine being a couple, you check your inbox to find 15 messages and they are all from single guys… every single one of them has between 1 and 3 photos and all of them are of their equipment. Seriously, which one stands out – NONE!

Couples and single women are bombarded with penis pictures plus guys who think their penis is the deciding factor in going any further. (Myth busted: it’s NOT!)  Hint: All men have penises…

What we’d rather you did – Be different! Simple and true. Surely there are other parts of you that are worth promoting? If you don’t have Brad Pitt’s body, don’t worry, put a picture up of yourself that shows you clothed but in an outfit that flatters you and just blur out your face if you want to remain anonymous. Personally, I am more likely to respond to guys with face pictures and most of my swinger couple friends are the same. If a couple want to see pictures of your penis then they’ll ask for them when they’re ready, which is usually after they’ve decided the guy attached to it is worth playing with. And you want to be that guy, right?

Your profile detail…

So when couples are bombarded with penis pictures, how do they distinguish between them to decide who is worth responding to? They read the profile, yes it’s true! They check you out… and guess what, most guys don’t have much to say except variations of “I’m the best thing you’ll ever have in the bedroom, message me, find out and we can have some fun now”…

Ooo, just so inviting… not! No rapport built, no mystery, no fun. Unless you have Brad Pitt’s body, or you ARE Brad Pitt, that just isn’t going to get their attention. It makes you just the same as every other desperate single guy out there. Yes, it comes across as either egotistical or desperate and neither one of those are appealing.

What not to do – Refrain from telling them how good you are, people would much rather come to that conclusion on their own.  Avoid saying anything that relates to sex (having sex, wanting sex, how good you are at sex etc). Seriously, with tidal wave of single guys that are promoting their Sex-God status, something different would be a nice change.

What we’d rather you did – Fill out as many of the fields as possible and in the freestyle writing area, write something witty or intelligent; something that lets them know that you have a brain and not just another head space for extra testosterone.

Tell them a bit about you as a person; what you like (apart from sex), what you’re into (apart from sex), what kind of people you are looking to meet. Give them some substance.  Every guy I’ve met can have sex, likes sex and is into sex in many various forms, it’s a given so tell them something they don’t know

Many couples prefer talking to guys that say things in their profile about looking for friendship as well physical fun, that they want to be able to hang out socially, and if they mention wanting to meet people who can keep a good conversation, they are usually intrigued enough to go further.  Be mysterious, 🙂

Oh, and an important point to mention here is don’t lie. It might get you further along but it doesn’t take long for people to see right through it.  If a guy says he wants friendship in his profile, but then during conversation all he focuses on is when he can get his end in; continually asking when they can meet up and what turns them on, then it’s a dead give away.  Most of the time I can work it out based on how the conversation goes so they never get that far.  Remember couples have a lot more choice so they have the luxury of blocking and deleting those they feel “aren’t right” for them.

If you get the invite to start chatting…

Now when you finally get an invite or MSN address you have a foot in the door, but you’re still on thin ice because you have about 5 minutes to be impressive enough for them to want to keep chatting.

What not to do – Now is not the time to crack out “so when can we meet for fun?” or “what are you into?” questions. A lot of single guys make the mistake of thinking they have an open invitation at that point and unless the couple are in a particularly frisky mood, it’s not. Don’t go straight into dirty talk or asking really personal questions like “what gets you hot?”  Avoid advertising how big you are and how good you are with your penis, your hands or your tongue.

What we’d rather you did – Let them lead the conversation.  Answer their questions and only ask questions that are in the same sort of vein.  Get-to-know-you questions that are not of a sexual nature are a really good place to start, and once you’ve built up a rapport and they start being a little cheeky, that’s your green light to be a little cheeky back.  And I mean a little cheeky. Let them determine the pace at which you head down the “I can’t wait rip your clothes off and pound your ass!” kind of talk. I promise you, if you play the game right, you can certainly end up there 🙂

If you get a phone number…

What not to do – Please don’t take this fine opportunity to send an MMS of your penis unless it’s been requested.  And wherever possible, if you go out on the town and get drunker than… well pick a word that means you’re REALLY drunk, please don’t send messages saying how much you’d like to “fuck” or how horny you are at that moment. And please don’t send another picture of your penis especially if you’ve already sent that same one.

If you are sober, don’t ask for sexy pictures and don’t send penis pictures unless you get one first, in which case you are allowed to send one in return 🙂 Follow their lead.

What we’d rather you did – By all means send a message or give them a call if they’ve said it’s ok to.  It’s best to send a text message and check when it’s convenient to call, which are standard manners really.  If you’ve been given a number, use it, make sure that you give your number in return and once again, let the couple determine when a picture of your penis is something they want to see.  You may be surprised at how often all of this happens, which is why some couples just don’t want single guys anymore.

When you finally get to meet in person…

What not to do – Turn up late or not let them know you’re going to be late.  Don’t push to get to the next stage or ask questions about when the fun can start… You don’t turn up to someone else’s birthday party that you’ve been invited to and ask when you are going to get your present!  If you get invited to do anything it’s a privilege and the first meeting is not a green light that says anything else will automatically happen.  Don’t assume anything.

What we’d rather you did – Have a shower, dress nicely and I don’t mean in a tuxedo or suit (unless you need to wear it for work and you’re meeting them for coffee).  Assume that it is just that, a coffee or initial meeting, even if they have indicated they want more, meeting in person can change everything… for all of you.  They may not be what you thought so making plans for just an initial meet is always a good way to go for all involved.

You may get nervous and that’s normal, lots of guys do, just don’t let it bother you too much.  I know easier said than done but seriously, most couples are pretty easy going.  They also have trouble meeting quality single guys which is why I’m writing this 🙂

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again because it’s important; go in with no expectations.  It may work out that you aren’t their type and you have to be able to walk away.  It’s not uncommon in the swinging game for this to happen, just don’t let it get you down or stop you from getting back out there to find some other awesome playmates….

Couples have the same problems with other couples and single women, not everyone s attracted to each other, just like some people love chocolate and some people can’t stand it. While not liking chocolate defies all the natural laws of the universe, I do know people who don’t and that’s fine.

On the flip side, it may turn out that you are exactly what they are looking for and cant wait to get naked with you!  You just never know.  It’s best to go in with just the intention of meeting them in person and anything else is a bonus.  And what a bonus!!!

If you get invited to play…

What not to do – Turn up unprepared, dirty or desperate!  Don’t push to get right to the bedroom as soon as you get in the door or ask when it’s play time. Again, let them take the lead, it’s their house and it’s just plain manners. Don’t say you are up for something just to make them like you because you’ll be expected to perform or partake, and they don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable any more than you want to feel that way, so only say you’re willing to do what you’re willing to do.

What we’d rather you did – Shower and smell sexy!  Bring your own protection (condoms), alcohol or recreational drugs if you’re into them but only get them out if your hosts are into them too.  Be polite and make sure you know what the boundaries are, or if there are none.  Find out what they want to experience or are in the mood for and by all means tell them if you are up for the same.  If everyone feels comfortable, by all means make some suggestions of your own if you have something you’d like to do, most couples are accommodating but if they say they aren’t into it or don’t want to, respect that and play within those boundaries.

During play, make sure you listen to any directions that are given and if you don’t get any, feel free to check in, especially if you’re not getting any feedback from their physical reactions. Not all people are overly loud or easy to tell if they are enjoying themselves so ask how you can make it better for them since everyone works differently.

After playing…

Some things that are handy to know.

Some couples you’ll only play with once and it’s not necessarily a reflection on you, it’s just the way it works out sometimes.  Other couples you will really click with and everything will be awesome for a period of time.

The best attitude to go in with is one of enjoying the moment and any subsequent moments because in a large number of cases, these are just temporary relationships.  Some last longer than others and some don’t last at all. Couples already have the love-of-their-lives, so you will only be a temporary thing.  Don’t get attached and certainly don’t get jealous if they have someone else or you are no longer their regular.

Swinging is meant to be for fun and extra spice, you’re an extra toy that doesn’t need batteries, and a potential friend-with-benefits so don’t mistake it for anything more serious.

That said, there are a small amount of couples who do have something more serious; extra boyfriends/girlfriends which is more polyamorous than swinging. So it can become more serious than you want it to and all it takes is honest communication to walk away from it.

If you take note of the information I’ve shared you will go a lot further in connecting with couples and getting a chance to join them for lots of naked fun. While I’ve described a whole lot of things to consider, it is not the be-all and end-all as there are certainly couples out there that want to get straight into it, but really, you can’t go wrong either way if at the end of the day you let them lead the game.

Have fun and good luck snagging and shagging more couples from here on in :o)

Here’s to your sexual evolution!