Now, I hadn’t read the write up so I wasn’t quite sure what it was going to be about, but based on the title I was sure cock and fun would be involved  Enough said.

There was a good mix of genders in the room but for some weird, unconsciously programmed reason, I thought there would be a lot more women than men, but no.  Yay!

Our facilitator, Jolene, set up a mattress in the middle of the room with a pillow and towel (or blanket) on it, and that’s when my brain started going into: “Is there going to be a live cock model? Noooooo… really?  Can we do that?  What exactly is she going to do with him?  Will she make him come?  How big will he be?  Will he be able to perform with all of us just sitting around?…  Will we be playing with cocks?”

None of this made me uncomfortable but it really hit me just how different Sex Camp was in comparison to a Sexpo or Mind, Body Spirit Festival kind of environment.  In all is honestly, in the lead up to Sex Camp I thought those would be a better way to structure it so more people would be interested in coming along, but there is no way you could create such a personal, intimate and safe space for people to watch and explore these things the way we did.  I was happily wrong on this occasion and hats off to Vanessa for staying true to her vision of what Sex Camp was, and should look like!

*serious rant and apology done*

Quite a number of us grabbed cushions and sat on the floor in a circle/group around the focus point of the room; a currently unoccupied mattress and at that point I was curious as to who our model was going to be, and how far we were going to go.

Jolene stood up and introduced herself and there were a couple of things, which really stood out about her story.  First off, she was 42 and a mother of 5!  Nooooooo, no way!  Jolene is a gorgeous woman, looks mid to late 30’s maybe, a healthy size 8-10 and definitely doesn’t look like she’s had 5 kids!  Shock number one.

She then proceeded to tell us about her work; she’s a Sacred Tantric Body Worker and for some time, she has worked as a masseuse… of a different kind.  I’m not going to beat around the bush (partly because I’m personally not a fan of bush), many men go to her to be both massaged, and have their cocks played with.  Not always to the point of ejaculation but yes, it was included in the service.  I can see why it’s popular!

So basically, with cock play as a part of her career history, and having seen/massaged/played with 10,000+ cocks in her lifetime (shock number 2), it was fair to say she may know a thing or two about how to treat, and have fun with, cocks!

Jolene started with her story of how she came to be the Goddess of Cock Appreciation, which was fascinating! She didn’t originally set out to be working in this field, but found herself there through desperate times: being a young, single mother of five children, needing to feed the family and lacking any qualifications, she answered an advert for “masseuses required, training included”.

She rang and was told the massage would include hand relief. Apparently she was bought up a strict Mormon (OMG, really?  I wanted to say “you poor thing!”)…  So she had to ask what hand relief meant, and on being told, promptly put the phone down.

One month later and Jolene had fallen into more desperate times, so she rang again and was also told she would have to massage naked.  She promptly put the phone down, again.   Clearly this was pushing her boundaries but she was a mother of 5 children, sometimes you do what you’ve got to do…

Another month later, and times were even more desperate, she rang and informed her prospective employer; she was a mother of five and unsure if she looked good enough for the position.  She was asked about her size (which was size 6 at the time since she had been feeding the children, not herself) and was then invited to look at the establishment. The rest involved 10,000 cocks!  Yes, that number is still amusing to me

It is now12 years on and what started as a rub-and-tug, flip-the-men-over-like-a-pancake job, she has turned into an art form and a mission with a purpose.  Kudos to her!

Now, I don’t mind being naked, and I don’t mind giving hand relief but I wasn’t brought up as a Mormon or any other strict religious type, where even the act of masturbating was a sin you were going straight to Hell for, so I couldn’t imagine how hard it would have been for Jolene to go against, and break free from, such strong programming.  For this, I have an immense respect and admiration for her achievement and willpower to overcome it.

The most interesting part of her story were her insights; she started to notice trends in her clients.  She had many married men come to her because they weren’t getting any attention at home, and I don’t mean purely sexual, they were just craving intimacy; physical touch.  You know, that stuff us women also crave!  And Jolene was providing a service where they could be sensually touched and their cocks were not left out of the experience.  What does that say about the many marriages and relationships out there?  A post and rant for another time…

First we were asked if we had our “phallic” toys… damn, I missed the memo on bringing toys; left mine in my suitcase (yes, I did pack them)!  For those who wanted something to have in their hands, she began passing out a bunch of carrots and zucchini’s.  I didn’t grab one though, I was quite happy watching; I’m such a voyeur sometimes

With the intro done and pretend cocks in hand, it was time to introduce the male cock model (as opposed to the female one?)  I won’t name names but I will share; once she got him to lay down and gently removed his pants, we were introduced to “Brian” (male models cock).

Well hello Brian!

Jolene started with a basic anatomy lesson, pointing to, picking up, showing off each of Brian’s parts.  I agree, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore, Dorothy; this was definitely adult Sex Ed, real cocks were never used in any anatomy class I ever did.  In fact, pictures of real cocks were not even included!  I love being an adult

Jolene was amazing.  She was extremely respectful in the way she handled Brian, particularly as Brian was not hers, although I think Brian’s owner’s partner was the wonderful lady sitting at the other head.  Jolene had handled over 10,000 cocks and yet she was still able to look at, and fondle, Brian with wonder and honest appreciation for his uniqueness.

Jolene was laying next to Brian’s owner with her hand gently stroking Brian, talking about the different sensitive areas and where to focus attention for maximum enjoyment; how to hold him, how to tease him, how to know when he’s responding positively to what you’re doing.  The entire time she was stroking and fondling Brian and seemed as though she was being very careful not to get him too worked up, speeding up a little and then slowing down so he had time to chill out…

We all asked the most important and deep questions too… “Having handled so many cocks, what’s the real average size?”  And “What’s the smallest cock you’ve ever handled?”  The answers were both amazing and shocking and no, I’m not telling you

At the end of the demonstration we were given the opportunity to test it all out, for real!  The men were able to offer themselves as real live models for those of us ladies who were keen to try out our new skills  I can’t tell you how many or who did what (what happens at Sex Camp, stays at Sex Camp), but I can say it was refreshing to see people who weren’t shy to give it a go and to enjoy every moment of it what the workshop had to offer!

I personally learned a few tricks I hadn’t thought of before, and in watching Jolene with Brian and Brian’s owner, it reminded me to take my time to appreciate my husband’s cock.  I might even have the occasional “Cock Appreciation Night”… I think all women should adopt this; it goes a long way to making our men feel loved, appreciated and WANTED!  And seriously, don’t we want the same?

From here, it was onto the show (and tell – kidding) and the all-in party!!!  Ohhhh yeah

(If you would like to book in with Jolene, and I highly recommend her for this work and more of the Sacred Tantric Bodywork, you can find her at Ananda House in Balmain & privately in Wollongong – use my Contact Us page to get a contact number if you would like to connect with her.)

Next up I decided to attend a workshop called “Sensation Play”.  Ahhh, I’d been looking forward to it as I knew it was going to be run by the 2 Dominatrix’s staying in my dorm.  I walked in the door to find both sitting at the end of the room, waiting expectantly for their willing subjects to wander in.  Both in boots, one playing with a very nice, black, and very flexible whip in her hands… It was actually quite sensual and almost erotic to watch!

I think Sex Camp had started to have some sort of wild and kinky effect on me… Since when did I find whips sensual and erotic?

I was starting to wonder exactly how far this workshop would go after seeing her whip handling technique (which was pretty awesome I might add).  My slight anxiousness was spurred on with one of them being a self confessed bad girl who introduced herself as “Cunt…ress Gabrielle”, especially when she followed it up by saying she doesn’t play by anyone’s rules. Uh oh, what had I signed up for?

Kink was not an area I’d explored, but at this point I was willing to step into it enough and find out if it would be something I’d enjoy.   Lucky for me, this workshop appeared to be one which might push my boundaries and educate me along the way…

Within 5 minutes of it starting, both women put out an invitation for anyone who may like to come and sit beside them, to do so.  Within seconds, one man jumped up and positioned himself next to Cuntress Gabrielle.  I think it was less than a second before she had her shoe off so he could massage her foot, and then he was in prime position for her to stroke his head like a pet.

All I could think of was “good boy!”  I tried to imagine myself in her role though; could I be wildly assertive?  Could I enjoy having someone do whatever I asked, or ordered, them to do?  Could I inflict pain or tie someone up if they liked it?  Surprisingly, yes, I think it’s something I could get into!

Mistress Electra Amore, the other gorgeous Dominatrix, attracted a stunning man with longer hair and amazing eyes and while he was not ordered, or instructed, to massage her feet, he sat beside her and obeyed her every suggestion, including the ones which weren’t verbal.  She enjoyed sensually touching him, playing with his hair and… stuff…  He was her demonstration model for what she wanted us to do with each other, and in between demo’s, he was her play thing.  He clearly enjoyed being teased and touched, having his hair grabbed and her legs wrapped around him.  A display I enjoyed watching.

Sensation play was about learning how to engage the 5 senses, then activating and learning about, the 6^th sense.  I won’t go into too much detail because you should try this one for yourself

Now when you have 2 Dominatrix’s at the front of a classroom with a whip and 2 pets, you kind of do whatever they ask.  I think it’s fair to say; we surrendered.  We were taken through a number of exercises to shut off one of our senses and see how heightened our other senses became, such as closing our eyes and noticing what we could smell or hear, although I think when we all heard Cuntress Gabrielle starting to wander around the room, her shoes taking slow, determined steps on the wooden floors… Many of us forgot to breathe, wondering where she was going to stop and what she was going to do as she’d already made it clear; taste was her favourite sense and she was keen on the kissing part of the workshop!

She got her wish though; towards the end of the workshop we got to test out our sense of taste, which was also an exercise in the sense of touch… Mmm, kissing… One of my favourite things to do; normally prompted by a few drinks!  This event was a “no alcohol or drugs event” so it was nice to come from a space of natural connection and using kissing to heighten both a sense of taste and a sense of touch.  The guy I ended up kissing was surprisingly soft and sensual.  I liked kissing him.  Yes, yes I did

When we talked about touch, the sensation of having your hair grabbed came up, to which I may have said (rather loudly) “oh yeah, I like having my hair grabbed!”  Just to be clear; not pulled, grabbed, there is a difference and it’s all in the hand technique!  Mistress Electra Amore demonstrated on her gorgeous model man and he just melted into it after the initial taking away of his breath.  Ohhhhh yeah… that’s what happens to me!

We then got to test that out on the people around us.  I don’t think there was anyone whose hair I grabbed, who didn’t enjoy it!  Yup, see?  I told you so; feels good, doesn’t it

It was a great workshop!  I had forgotten what it was like to heighten the senses by removing just one of them, such as sight, and am thinking some blindfolded play in the near future might be in order!  Thank you ladies for reminding me to explore and how to take the enjoyment factor up a few notches.  Rule number one, take my time and enjoy… every… moment…

At the end we got some free flow time to just go around the room and use our senses; explore what we liked and just go with the flow, so that’s what we did…

I may have ended up in a four or five way… um… thing… which was a mix of us taking turns at doing slow sensual touches up and down each others bodies; I was slowly dragging my fingers across someone’s skin, then indulged in some more urgent and passionate grabs; pulling Mr Gorgeous Man’s body into mine so we could melt into each other, his back against my breasts… Breathing in sync… I may have been breathing out some warm air on the side of his neck, just below the ear and I may have enjoyed some slow, sensual kissing; my warm moist lips on the back of his neck… Oohhhh *flashbacks*… and with my hands stretched out, moving up the back of his neck, into his hair and grabbing it firmly, triggering some moans of pleasure… I need a moment…

*snaps out of flashbacks* *straightens self up*

Our group wasn’t alone, there were definitely multiple groups indulging and exploring sensation play with each other, and with some heightened group sexual energy on the increase, which we were all feeding into, and off of… It was hard (no pun intended) to break away from it to clear the room for the next workshop *breathes*…

Oh God… can I please do that again?!?!?

(To meet, enjoy, play with, sub to the aweome Mistress Electra Amore and Cuntress Gabrielle, check them out here:  www.thefetishpalace.com  and tell them I said “hi!”)

So I dragged myself out of bed, which was a big effort because it was so damn cold!  No central heating out there in the bush but at least in the dorm we had an open fire, a toilet and showers in the building!

Once I was looking human again, it was off to the main tent where breakfast was being served.  I was worried it was going to be some wild hippy vegetarian something, which would both taste horrible and leave me hungry until lunch time… Happy to report, not with this kitchen crew!

I was met with smiley happy people bouncing around, cooking and serving (and no, they were not on drugs), who obviously enjoyed their work!  My plate was filled with fresh English Spinach, cooked mushrooms with onion, and a fried egg.  Now I don’t usually eat mushrooms but these were awesome!  It was a culinary success in my book!  This, coming from a self confessed carnivore.  Impressive.

With my belly full, I went down to my workshop space to prepare for Swinging 101.  In all honesty, I wasn’t sure how many people would turn up and was feeling a little nervous, but as a wise friend said to me: “being nervous proves you care about what you’re doing”.  Very true!

A few people turned up at the same time as me.  I put my books and business cards out and met them over near the open fire.  I decide I was going to present from there, just sitting down on some cushions, my back against the bricks with a warm fire right next to me.  Yes, I just wanted to be warm!

Once the room looked like it had15 or so people in it, I got them to write some questions to go in the box to get things going, and maybe even keep them going if the audience were too shy to ask their questions out loud, which I half expected.

People kept coming in. And more people.  And more people! I was excited at the sheer volume who were interested in being involved in my workshop.  9:15am was start time and I think, and just purely guessing because I didn’t do a head count, there looked like 60 odd people were in the room!

Humbled by the turn out  :)

I started by sharing the story of my journey and then straight into the question box to kick the FAQ part off.  In a room full of open-minded and intelligent people, you’d think I’d get some awesome questions, right?  Well, the first question I pulled out of the box was: “Would you like to come and sleep in my tent tonight?” Laughter breaks out.  I respond saying there was no name so I can’t say, and to meet me after class lol!

I answer maybe only 1 or 2 more questions and then the room takes over with hands going up in multiple places all at once.  I’m such a fan of multiple hands in… Oh you know where I’m going with that. Sorry, couldn’t help myself.

I won’t go into full details but here is what I noticed about this audience; they were genuinely inquisitive and not so much about the surface stuff, but about the deeper level information like the impact on my kids; was I worried about them getting into sex earlier because of my lifestyle, what our Safe Sex strategies were (which turned into a full discussion about STI’s),  and dealing with jealousy.

We talked for an hour and a half and I think the discussions could have easily gone on for much longer with so many open-minded people who were fully engaged in the conversation. As a presenter, this is the kind of audience I would love to have any day!  Sex Camp really attracted the right kind of people, and for that I was extremely grateful.

At the end of the session there was a question about whether or not I would create a swingers space that night!  What?  I hadn’t prepared for that but hey, we were at Sex Camp so anything was possible   I may have made a comment about following me into the night and we’d see where we end up… but what happens at Sex Camp, stays at Sex Camp so unless you were there, you’ll never know

Once I was done, I was able to relax and could now take off my “professional” hat and enjoy being a participant!  Next workshop, Anal 101!  Oh yeah, Sex Camp had everything.

Presented by the gorgeous, and deliciously fabulous, Cyndi Darnell; Sex Educator and Counsellor, and also the organiser of Pleasure Salon!  She did a marvellous job of presenting anal in a very entertaining and enlightening way, which is not easy to do when it comes to your own ass, or someone else’s!

We got a no-holds-barred anatomy lesson of our entire rectal region, male and female, along with the location of the prostate for men and what it feels like – this was probably for those of us who just figured it was “up there somewhere”.   Don’t panic, I now have a map, gloves and lots of lube!

Cyndi was so relaxed about it all; but then you have to be pretty comfortable with yourself to be able to talk about the issues of “poo” when it comes to anal play.  Secretly I think many people were worried about how to prevent it; I say that so I don’t have to feel like iI was alone, but I think she summed it up nicely “if you really have an issue with poo, then don’t do anal!”  Good point

I was amazed to see how many people were in the room and the gender split was about even; just as many men were there to find out about their rectal area as women were!  Or were the women there to find out about the men’s rectal area?  Both perhaps? I’m sure it wasn’t just me

I walked away with some handy tips and tricks, as well as much more knowledge about how to make it more pleasurable for him.  *snaps gloves on* Ok hubby, just relax and don’t clench, I have homeplay to do

Next was lunch and then into some Sensation Play with a pair of Dominatrix’s… all that and more in the next post!

(You can find Cyndi Darnell here:  http://www.cyndidarnell.com and Pleasure Salon here:  http://pleasuresalonmelbourne.wordpress.com/)

(For a copy of my book for beginners or the curious, click on the link to – The Essential Guide for Adventurous Couples; Who want to explore 3Somes, 4Somes and Moresomes)

So I have just attended the first official “Sex Camp” and to say it was mind-blowing (ok more than just mind-blowing), phenomenal, inspiring, educational and loving would be an understatement!!!

Before I get to the mind-blowing part though, let me just share my thoughts as I was going into this, as I’m sure many could relate…

So I know I’m going to be locked in at a campsite and the main food is vegetarian.  I’m thinking: “I’m going to be surrounded by a bunch of hippies!”  I was hoping I wasn’t going to be singing Kumbaya, sitting with my legs spread and looking at my vagina in a mirror, while holding hands with a strange woman who is encouraging me to embrace my womanhood… or something.  Ok, so that was a bit extreme but I have a vivid imagination.

Breathe… Relax, it wasn’t like that at all… Hippies are actually pretty cool, who knew?

Day 1 – We arrive late… Oops!  A big no no but thankfully we weren’t the last ones to arrive and we were there in plenty of time for the Opening Ceremony.  It was a long drive from the city when you add in a few wrong turns, arrgghhh!

We settle ourselves into the big main tent and the Opening Ceremony begins.

First off; logistics. Done!  Next we go into Agreement Frames.  We all agreed to keep what happens, and with who, at Sex Camp confidential, and no photos or video without expressed permission (of course).  No touching without permission and we agreed to be open and honest, and say no if we did not want what was being offered.  This turned out to be an extremely important part of making the environment safe for people to express who they were, try new things and put themselves out there into different spaces.

Everyone agreed to everything except one man; he said he could not agree to being on time to the workshops because he needed to follow his heart, and if another human being or animal needed him, he would have to respect that… Hmm… This didn’t help my original “being surrounded by hippies” apprehension, but ok… Each to their own, right?  I think they got him to agree that if the sign said “do not disturb”, he would respect it and not enter; there were sighs of relief when he agreed!  A quick lesson in embracing all types I think.

The last thing we did was set an intention; I decided during the weekend I was going to be open to new experiences, make connections with awesome people (ok, I may have thought about connecting with an awesome playmate or two; I am human), but most of all, to open up more sexually so I could be an even more confident, sexually charged women when I got home (hubby yells “YEEHA” upon hearing that).  I also decided I would go intuitively as much as possible and allow myself to be guided to the workshops which might fulfill my intention.

Opening ceremony concluded and into the first workshop!

I wasn’t sure which one the workshops to go to since they both sounded awesome.  So in order to choose, I did what any woman would do when they are at Sex Camp; I asked a gorgeous man what he would suggest.   Unfortunately he had done both and liked both, but he said one was more physical (which I thought might tip me over the edge into pouncing on someone) and the other was deeper and more intellectual; working with heart and energy.  Either way, I was going to be connecting with new people and I was sure anyone who could sense energy was going to feel how horny I already was!

So I go to the Yoga of Intimacy workshop rather than the cuddle party.  I wanted something deeper and working with energy appealed to me (trusting my intuition).

Immediately I seemed to connect with a gorgeous younger man as we entered the room and decided to share the heater (it was so damn cold!)  Ridiculously on edge; I was trying hard not to imagine the two of us stripping each other bare in a passionate frenzy *breathes* as we were staring in each others eyes, having been instructed to do so to get an intuitive sense of who the other person was.

And so the workshop began!

Our fabulous facilitators were Arven and Kimberly. Initially we were educated about our intuitive sense, and the importance of paying attention to it, because it gives us so much more information about our world when we focus on it.

Arven asked us to line up; the men and women at different ends of the room, and asked us to form a line facing the other sex, then walk sloooooowwwwwly towards them until we were only a few inches away from each other.

Now I don’t have an issue with men, clearly, but energetically I found the wall of men bearing down on me a little intimidating.  That said, I think a wall of women or a mix would have been the same.  I was at the front of the wall of women; you know me, I like to be front and centre at the best of times, now was no different!  When I got within inches of the wall of men, we were instructed to just feel the energy and notice what was going on.

For me I noticed the energy changed from being a wall of energy to mixing with the front of the lines, doing like a circular motion; it was much less intimidating.  After a little Arven instructed us to walk through each other to the other side, and see what that felt like.   Well I didn’t feel like pouncing on anyone, so I was glad I came to this workshop to just simmer down a tad…

The next exercise Arven got the men to spread out around the room, and if they didn’t want to be touched, they just had to put their hand on their chest but their eyes remained closed for the duration.  Hmmm, I was curious as to where our facilitator was going with this; I had only just simmered down!

We were instructed to wander around the room and stop next to the different men and just sense whom we felt drawn to, or not; how they felt energetically, and to explore what we felt drawn to do to them (within reason… I think!)

The fact they had their eyes close automatically gave me an increased sense of freedom to do what I wanted, although I was still feeling a little on the timid side being in a room full of strangers.  I didn’t have any of my crew or my husband so was missing my safety nets.

Some women got down on all fours and slinked around the legs of the men like purring cats… I was thinking “ok… not sure I’m that free loving just yet but something to aspire to”.  I did find myself noticing who I was drawn to and sensing the energy of each man; some felt very masculine and others a bit more precious or soft.

I was drawn to the gorgeous young man I connected with in the first exercise.  I stood right behind him, inches away from his back and just found myself getting in sync with his breathing… I put my hand on the middle of his back and closed my eyes for a moment… Mmmm, he felt sensual and open… I liked that.  Interesting though, I found when a bunch of other women started to surround him; I walked away and looked for whom else I was drawn to.  The coach in me was asking “so where else in life do I do that?!?” Damn coach brain; valid point though.

I wandered around and just went intuitively to another man on the other side of the room, older than me and not exactly sexy in looks but there was something about him I was drawn to.  He felt very masculine, peaceful, playful, sensual and very open and loving.  I was starting to wonder if I was just making this all up but one thing I have learned is to just go with it!  I found myself once again standing behind him but close; right inside his space.

I realised I do that often, I stand back while I get a feel for people or a place before I step into the middle, if at all.  People often think I’m the first in the limelight, or that I am completely comfortable in front of anyone and that’s not the case.  I have to warm up to people and situations, although that period of time is considerably shorter if I’ve had a few Jack and Dry’s!  This event was strictly a no drugs or alcohol event so that made it all the more vulnerable for me… just what I needed!

Once I started to get a little more game I stood behind him and very slowly, and sensually, ran my hands down his arms from his shoulders to his hands and back up again… I stood so close he could feel my breath on his neck… Hmmm, so much for the simmer!  He responded positively to my touch and the feeling of me so close to him.  It gave me a sense of control and empowerment to be the one igniting passion or arousal in others… yeah, I get a small kick out of that

I was just starting to get even more game when it was time to stop!  Damn!!

Next we had to do some work around getting permission for touch and the practice of saying no… We paired up and the men were instructed to sense what they would like to do to us, and then ask if they could.  I’m standing in front of a guy whom I am not attracted to and thinking “fuck! I hope he just wants to hold hands!”  Thankfully he was just interested in a hug and I had the choice to say yes or no.  I said yes and then thought: “why did I do that?” and the answer was because I don’t like making people feel bad.  D’oh, have to get over that!

After each question, and both sides having the opportunity to ask and choose to say yes, we were forced to say “no” and straight away go to the next person.  Can I just say, being given permission to say no without having to justify or dampen it, was so empowering!  I decided to take that on in the future (thank you Sex Camp)!

At the end of the workshop we got some free flow time to wander in amongst each other and just feel the energy, touch with permission and do what felt right… there were lots of hugs, intense stares, sensual touches and smiles.  I felt this workshop really got me grounded and centered, as well as opening me up for the connections I would make and being open to new information.  Ahhhhh, what a way to start a weekend.

It was nearly midnight by the time we concluded, got our stuff to the dorms and started to wind down… well, in theory.  I had my presentation to do the next morning and there were too many people snoring in my dorm room so I couldn’t sleep… Instead I enjoyed time out in front of the open fire talking to a Dominatrix and a guy who was going to teach Sensual Rope Play!  I love my life

2am I finally crashed out and day 1 was done.  I still had 2 whole days to go and fell asleep wondering what other insights I would get, gems I would learn and people I would want to drag to my bunk and connect with on ALL levels

(http://www.sexcamp.com.au - to find out more and when the next one is going to be run.  I will be there!!!)

(Check out Arven and Kimberly’s workshops which are like this and more –  www.livingfrequencies.com.au)

I know some of you out there already thought I was this unbridled, sex thirsty woman who was completely connected to her inner minx/slut/goddess (they’re all the same thing, right?!?)  Well I hate to ruin your version of me but in all honesty, I’ve been fairly adventurous but not a “wild woman”, or at least not as wild as I’ve seen other women get but when I was surrounded by rock hard manliness (4 of them) on Saturday night, someone new appeared!  Mmm… surrounded… *distracted by flashbacks*

So now I’d like to introduce you to my inner Slut whom I’m embracing every part of, because I friggin can!  *S&M playing in the background* *sings* “I may be bad but I’m perfectly good at it!” uh huh!

I had this thing before (well still do to a point) where I wanted to continue to be a lady and classy no matter what I did, almost like it was still a part of the programming I had as a child around what was acceptable and what wasn’t.  People didn’t like women who were “sluts” but being a “lady” was attractive… While being attractive is fun, Saturday night I was downright naughty, a complete slut and I loved it! #liberating

Every woman should tap into their inner slut; completely let go and allow herself to be pleasured in as many ways as possible and ENJOY it FULLY! Talk about finding a way to supercharge the rest of my life!  If we had batteries, they would have to be in our sexual centre.  Has anyone else noticed sexual energy seems to fuel passion for other areas of your life?  That can’t just be me, can it?

I swear to God I have never been so revved up and insatiable… ever!  That said, I have been reading some new material (thank you Tristan Taormino for “The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation”), trying some new things, playing with some new people, which I haven’t done in ages!!!  I realised I hadn’t enjoyed a new playmate since late last year up until last weekend (and oh what a friggin AWESOME weekend it was – flashbacks STILL going!)

Mr Wonderful is LOVING the unleashing; getting sex almost daily, having marathon sessions, trying new positions, making more noise (which our 14 yr old says has “scarred her for life”) and when he suggested anal, which I never really engaged in,  I said “Hehe OK!!!  Now????”  Needless to say, the reply message to that was “what have you done with my wife? ”

I am a very passionate and sensual woman and I am loving all the quality playmates I’m attracting right now.  They’re stimulating me in so many ways that I’m practically on the edge of an abyss of sexual frustration… constantly, which is great fuel and Mr Wonderful is reaping all of the benefits from lol. #addicted

So right now I may be slightly ravenous for new experiences, more orgasms and… just more fun!  Life was too serious before, as it gets when you are a business owner and working, being a Mum and everything else that comes up.  I feel like I’m finally really letting my hair down and letting myself let go sexually, and everything else is starting to flow. Go figure!

While this is a new facet of who I am, that I am embracing and going to LOVE exploring, I know I’ll still keep my Lady for times where it’s totally appropriate while knowing I can be that sexy, saucy, minx underneath and unleash her anytime! Oh this is going to be fun!  I need to get more sexy underwear, some leather/pvc stuff, corsets and more BOOTS!

So here I am world, I am every bit a lady and a slut and I’m ready to really experience what sex, my sexuality and my quality play partners have to offer me in pleasure, connection and adventure!  GAME ON!!

Was I discovering the Dom in me?  Was I really enjoying letting loose and inflicting some pain on my bestie?  Hell yeah!!!  Who knew I had that in me?  I knew I didn’t like being told what to do so could never be a sub (I don’t think) but I do love it when my hubby takes control of me, pinning me up against the wall and going passionate ninja on me, so maybe I would!

And then I met someone else who has rocked my world in ways I can’t even describe in words… What started out as an off handed comment about him wearing a collar and a leash, turned into me calling him “Pet” and him calling me “Mistress”.  All of a sudden I want to put him in a harness, put a collar on him, make him wear PVC or leather boxer briefs and lead him around on that leash!  I am falling in love with the idea of being more dominant and punishing him for being a bad boy (in ways I think we’ll both enjoy though lol!)

Actually, that fantasy extended to my bestie also being on a collar and leash and leading my “pets” through Saints and Sinners, kissing and playing with them when I choose to, or make them watch as I kiss some other random (or playmate) I meet!

Ultimately I really don’t know what I will enjoy or not enjoy but for the first time in my life I’m really willing to walk down the path and open the various doors to see what’s on the other side.  And I think I may have found my partners in crime for this journey when it comes to me playing the Dom role… And since I trust my Mr Wonderful to the nth degree, I think I may explore a sub type role with him only…

I have got myself the Ultimate Guide to Kink by Tristan Taormino and I’m looking forward to reading it.  I may just devour it like I would devour “Pet” if he were here (we’ve been driving each other wilder than an adolescent boy let loose in the Playboy Mansion with naked Playboy Bunnies begging to be taken – yeah THAT wild!)

Just talking about it has me ready to take the bull by the horn and ride it all night long! Yes, I did say “horn” and not “horns”, of course I’m not thinking of an actual bull, dah!

Mr Wonderful is really enjoying the effect it’s having on me too.  I’ve been a bit dormant in the sexual energy department but whatever I’ve unlocked in myself has flooded me with sexual energy ALLLLL week long! (Thank you Pet!)

So while we have a few more conversations about safe words, how we are going to communicate what’s ok and what’s not, and whatever boundaries we know we have from the outset, we are both looking forward to expanding what we know and discovering what else we like!  Dorothy, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore (as evidenced by the amount of leather, collars and whips laying around!)  I’m liking the new playground… Just call me “Mistress”!

You know when you’re at school and you have the “cool” kids?  Then you have Sporto’s, Geeks, and then the rest are just weirdo’s or nobody’s.  Well I was kinda a fringe girl.  I was actually on friendly terms with most of them but not in any one group.  And then the group I fell into was formed from people who were drifters from other groups, which means we were pretty much nobody’s.

Anyway, I never saw myself as cool but I secretly wanted to be, and doesn’t everyone?!?

Well I saw one of the cool kids on Facebook and sent a friend request. I mean, what was I going to lose, right?  Absolutely nothing as it turns out.

I haven’t seen him since college which was nearly 20 years ago *cringes* so it’s fair to say we really didn’t know each other, but long story short, I put a post up on my wall about a personal development workshop and he privated messaged me to find out more about it.  So one thing led to another (eventually but that’s skipping to the juicy part of the story… *breathes*) and we chatted on the phone to catch up on each others lives.  A week later I had to go up to QLD (which is where he’s living now) and it just so happened I had a free night and needed a place to stay.

I proposed the idea of staying with him and the answer was a resounding “absolutely”… ok, this was already blowing my mind having been on the phone talking to one of the “cool kids” and then I was going to have a sleep over at his house! It was ridiculous! I was acting like a giggling school girl and feeling all cool because I was “I get to sleep over at the cool kid’s house”!!!  Mr Wonderful and my bestie’s were having a good chuckle at my school girl giddiness!  I let them because sadly, it was such a huge moment for me!

So I get up there, I’m waiting for him to pick me up and I realise I’m nervous… Like, what the hell was I nervous about? Really? It’s been 20 years damnit, there are no cool kids anymore!   Now I have to say that I didn’t have any expectations that we would do more than chat for hours over a few bottles of something, but… yeah ok, I admit to having some wild ideas about getting to know each other… while we were buck naked!

I got a surprise when he introduced me to his best mate who had tagged along, who was tall, dark and handsome.  No surprise really, my friend (yes, I can call him that now ) always hung around the beautiful people!  So my first thought was “threesome perhaps?”… yeah, I might have been up for that.  The second I got to hug my friend and saw the big grin on his face when he saw me, I knew we clicked enough to quite likely explore that space (you know the one – the SEXUAL space!!)

So the 3 of us go to a tavern for drinks and within 5 minutes we’re laughing and chatting like old friends.  I knew at that point where the night was going to head, and I may have been a little excited about that but shhhhh, I didn’t tell them.  I played it super cool because after all, I was hanging with the cool kid!

At the tavern I was being open and very social to see how this would play out.  I notice my friend had no issue sitting right next to me and allowing parts of his arms or legs touching mine – classic green light signs!  The sexual tension started to increase, I could feel it and I know he did too.  He was nice enough to escort me to the bathrooms and there was a moment there I nearly leaned across and kissed him but for some reason I held back (kissing the cool kid… omg!)

After a few drinks we headed back to their place to get stuck into the bottle we bought (yeeha!!)  My friend took my suitcases up to my room (which turns out was his room that he was giving up for me… although between you and me I think he secretly planned to be in there with me hehe).  Now I’m not shy (*gasp*, yes it’s true) and I decided to get out of my dressy clothes into something more comfortable (no, not sexy lingerie, I figured wearing something like that would prove I planned this all along and we can’t have evidence of that – it would ruin my reputation!)  I got my jeans on, had my bra off and was just about to put my t-shirt on when he came in and caught me half dressed.  I reassured him I wasn’t shy (like I really needed to – the bare boobs kind of said it for me) but I kept on facing the wall, away from him, until I had it on.

I turned around, t-shirt in place and I’m not quite sure how many actual milliseconds it took me but I think I just took one look at him and one step forward so we were basically chest to chest and kissed him passionately.  I pulled his body into mine as he pulled mine into his and I was pleasantly surprised to find he kissed the way I like it – soft, sensual, passionate and just… fucking awesome!  I was doing an internal happy dance… OMG, I was kissing the cool kid!

It blew me away how hot and passionate we were in that moment and hang on a second, why did we not do this back in high school??  Oh that’s right, because I was shy and frigid.  Yes, it’s true although I think I’ve made up it by now  ;)

We kissed and kissed, eventually stopping with the intention of going down stairs to his mate and a friend who had come along, because we “should be sociable”, but it was intense and we could barely pull ourselves apart!  Eventually after a few minutes more of “oh god just fuck me” kissing, we managed to get as far as the doorway where he pinned me up against the wall (how did he know I’d love that?!?!)   Slowly I moved my ass out the door as if to lead us in that direction… damn it was hard, in fact I recall sitting on the bed before that and closely inspecting how hard it was with my lips!  *lost in flashbacks* Sorry, I digress

We did make it back downstairs where, and I don’t know how this happened (too much Jack) but after testing the kissing skills of my friend, I opted to test out his friend by going up and kissing him!  *MELT* they both kiss just the way I like it *happy dance* – this never happens!  So without too much discussion; “threesome?” We headed upstairs to let loose on each other!

Now a lady doesn’t kiss and tell… well ok, I’m not a lady exactly but I do have to keep some details to myself! Suffice it to say, I got to enjoy the cool kid (20 years later) sliding in and out of me (yeah!!) and I found myself a new “Pet”!  Now I can’t wait to have them both down here for dinner, and I’m not talking about a roast… well hang on, there may be a spit roast of sorts!

*wet* I love my life!

PS: Does sleeping with a cool kid now make me cool?!? HAHAHA

Now, I suggest that after you read this, go back and study very carefully what Chantelle has already said. Then, once you combine all of this information in that little neck-top computer you like to refer to as your brain, you may stand a fighting chance of getting it on with another couple. And, yes, that could even be a couple of other girls!

My experience comes as having been that “single guy”. A few years back, I joined one of Australia’s biggest adult dating sites to meet some chicks and see how many notches I could put on the bedpost, so to speak. And in this adventure, I met and had sex with single girls, couples and, on a few treasured occasions – two women at once.

When I first joined the site, I have to admit I had no luck. Well, luck really had nothing to do with it. I was stuffing everything up big time – from the profile to those first email approaches. The lot! But I soon figured out what I was doing wrong, and in a few months the flood gates had opened.

I’m not going to launch into a step-by-step guide here about every step you need to take and all the things you need to do to be the king of online dating. I’ve already covered that in detail elsewhere.

No, what I am here to tell you is how simple it was to meet that first couple, since that is what you are interested in. Actually, before I proceed, I must say one thing. If you are bisexual or at least bi curious, then your chances are going to increase dramatically, and the effort you have to put in is less. There are thousands of MF couples out there in cyber dating land where the male partner is bi or curious.

Here, though, I am going to tell you about approaching and having sex with a couple that is straight. You might ask what the appeal is for a man in a straight couple in having another straight guy hop into bed with him and his woman. And that’s a fair question. I didn’t understand it at first either. Basically, the guy in the relationship is not interested in touching you or you touching him (you may get a little incidental, friendly-fire contact of the “balls-to-balls” variety if there is any double penetration happening – but otherwise for the men it’s all attention focused on the female).

The three basic motivations I encountered for a straight couple inviting a single male for sex are as follows:

1.            He wants to have his own live sex show and gets off by watching another guy fucking his wife/girlfriend. He is comfortable with one guy, and prefers this scenario to another couple for a number of reasons (for example, his wife/GF would get jealous of him with another woman, or he might have performance issues in front of another woman).

2.            He has a physical problem that prevents him performing sexually.

3.            She wants another man to enjoy.

When you look at these sexual preferences, you might not realize just how many couples they apply to. In fact, there are so many that you have a great chance of having sex with a couple or two that want to meet single guys, no strings attached.

So let’s look at that first time with another couple.

Their profile put them a little older than me at the time, but I figured that was no drama. Just as an aside here guys – boost your chances with both girls and couples by not limiting yourself to your own demographic (age group).

They were looking for couples or single guys and were new in town. Immediately, I took the initiative of offering to show them around the city. My first email to them did not mention anything about sex. But there were a few hints. My first email was something along the lines of – “Hi guys! I specialise in taking couples who have just moved to town on personalised, guided tours of all the hot spots. Please give me your fantasy itinerary and we’ll take it from there!” I also gave them access to a private gallery, where the choice was theirs to look at whatever kind of pictures they wanted. Oh yeah, it goes without saying that you need a nice, flattering photo of yourself on your profile. Otherwise, your success rate will be close to zero. Just a fact.

In a few days I received a reply that latched onto the “hot spots” and “fantasy” bits, and they had added their own innuendo-laden suggestions. Stuff like – I would love to show you my hotspot. I have to admit I blushed when I got that first reply.

In reality, I did take them on a tour of the city which was fun and lasted all day. After that, a few drinks at a hotel and back to their place to consummate our new friendship in the manner that all were hoping for. I hung out with them for a while, and later met some others. It really was just a matter of being nice, polite and sparking their curiosity and interest. Not rocket science by any means.

Try to be as witty and cheeky as you can without being foul-mouthed. At least at the start. Also, I have to warn you there are some scary couples out there that you want to avoid, but they are usually easy to spot when you are browsing the membership. You will know these creeps the minute you read their profiles. No matter how desperate and horny I was, some of these couples were far too repulsive for me to even think about approaching them. But, as far as I could tell, most couples were genuine and on the level. At least I never had any bad experiences.

Now, about the threesomes with a couple of girls? You are unlikely to snag a bisexual female couple. Or a pair of “straight-curious lesbians” (why have I never seen that category, dammit?!). But there is another way. If you manage to hook up with some bisexual or at least bi-curious women individually, you will be amazed at how many will be grateful for you to be the one to organize a meeting where three of you get together. Quite a few women who list themselves as bi or curious neglect to write that they are terrified of hooking up with another girl by initiating something themselves. But if they are in their comfort zone of that old familiar sexual situation (i.e. where there is also a penis involved – yours), you can take the lead and introduce a couple of bi girls to each other. And then …

Getting back to the MF couple scenario, you will have plenty of success by being yourself and following the guidelines Chantelle wrote about in her article. Study them hard, don’t be a jerk-off, and you will be joining the ranks of “lucky” single guys who are able to hook up with couples.

___________________________________

Cam Langdon provides free dating tips to men who want to meet women online. His free e-book, Turn Cyber Sex Into Reality, has already been downloaded and read by thousands of men around the world. Cam’s dating advice is easy to understand and will help you meet more women online than you thought possible.  He also writes for AdultMatchMaker.com.au.

www.onlinedatingtipsformen.com

Ok, so I know it’s tough being a single guy in the scene, trying to be lucky enough to get invited into the bed of a swinging wife or single gal, but there is definitely a right way and a seriously wrong way to do this.

This story is about a guy who is a professional at the wrong way!

So there’s this guy, and as much as I’d LOOOOOOVE to name names here it goes against my professional principles to publicly oust this dickhead (he may as well be known as “dickhead” for the duration of this rant!). What bugs me is that it makes it even more difficult for the nice guys who are genuine and worth meeting because guys like this dickhead are such dickheads! And yes, that is my professional opinion!

He meets up with one of our awesome chocolate friends and enjoys a nice night with her while her husband is enjoying a nice night with another gal. After the fact he is then persistent and pushy in asking when they can “catch up” again. Even when he’s told “no I can’t, I have the kids” or “I’ve got work”, he persists saying things like “oh go on, not even for just an hour?” or “I’ll make it worth your while” and “you won’t regret it” *ug*. He has no regard for the agreement between her and her husband and is just as persistent in trying to “catch up” while her husband is away… Very bad form!

Eventually she told him to “fuck off!”… Good form! It seems he actually paid attention to this not-so-subtle hint… Eventually!

Anyway, about the same time this happens he starts friending a bunch of her friends on Facebook (me included) and what we realised later was he was using the same approach with most of us. He would send a friend request and a message starting with “I was looking for my friend (with the same name as ours) and I came across you. You look interesting…” blah blah blah and eventually asks to be friends and get to know each other. I received it and since I get lots of friend requests with no attached intro messages, I thought why not?! I am always up for getting to know someone new (doing so has enabled me to meet some great people, just apparently not in this case).

We have a special “chocolate group” for just our swinging friends where we chat and support each other or invite each other to parties etc. When he started friending everyone, and because he was on my “friend” list, they were asking me who he was.  This is when we started to find out what kind of guy he really was as we all started chatting and working out his various games.

Turns out he had also been using my status and tags to say things like “I saw you at (insert bar or club we were at here)”, which he got from photo’s I’d tagged us in together. WTF? As if! We know he wasn’t there… DICKHEAD!

I did initially have a quick meeting with him a few months ago, only after I convinced him I don’t play with anyone or invite them to anything without a vanilla meet and greet first up. I hate the pressure of them thinking we’re going to play straight after we do coffee… arrgghhh. If I want to pin someone against a wall, surely it’s better that it’s a surprise! Yeah?  Plus, I don’t want to be locked into playtime if I think the guy is a real dickhead! I am so glad I have this rule…

During our brief meeting he was kind of quiet, hard to converse with but seemed generally nice. Something was a little off though and I couldn’t put my finger on it. He had come across a little persistent in the first few messages so when we met, I made a point to let him know that pushy and over keen is a complete turn off and doesn’t get guys anywhere… I was hoping that would be enough to let him know how to play the game to get the booty!

Nope, not a chance… He’ll tell you what he thinks you want to hear just to get you into bed. He matches your stories to a story, or person, he knows so he has something in common with you – a rapport building technique… Manipulative dickhead!   And then he proceeds to text you regularly to “catch up” that day/hour/moment, or try to get you to commit to a future date!  Did I mention “persistent”?  Although why he prey’s on married women is beyond me! Oh no wait, he did answer that question, because “girlfriends are too much hard work”. WTF? Issues… this guy has serious issues.

Not only was he very persistent and pushy to “catch up” or give you a massage because he was “in the area now”, he lied about his identity! He denied his name was (oops, nearly said his name) when my friend asked because she was sure it was him from his photo but wasn’t sure, only to find out later it was him.

Funny thing is that we caught him out! The number he gave my friend as one name, was the same number I had him under as his Facebook name… so I messaged him telling him to leave my friends and me alone. He comes back with “who is this?” and even after I explained who I was, he says “No idea how you got this number..” Idiot… dickhead… He gave it to me but had also been messaging me from his other phone!

After a few more denials and insults, I let him know he’s full of it and we’d caught him out. To which he replies “??Wow. Weirdo. Clearly I don’t have your number. Another wannabe!” I’m still trying to work out what it is that I am a wannabe of lol. If anyone has an answer to that, please let me know LOL! Dickhead…

We did a Google search on his number (yes you can do that) and it turns out his first name is correct on Facebook but his surname isn’t. So between us we’ve got 4 different names for him! Watch out ladies, he’s not good at accepting a “no” and if you’re part of a couple, he’s not good at respecting the relationship or your boundaries, he’ll keep pushing them just to get his end in.

Plus he’s seriously bordering on stalking by watching our status’s on Facebook to see where we’re going (to ask if he can come to) or tell us he was there… *shudders*

So he’s the first single guy we’ve blacklisted. All of the chocolate group are one by one blocking him from Facebook and Blender. It’s quite sad really. If he wasn’t so persistent and shifty in the way he approached us, he could have been invited into the chocolate group and enjoyed many a party with threesomes and foursomes and moresomes a plenty.

To all the nice and genuine single guys out there who are reading this, please follow this as an example of what NOT to do… And perhaps follow up with reading “A Single Man’s Guide to Snagging and Shagging a Couple” which this DICKHEAD clearly didn’t read or pay attention to!

RANT/VENT OVER

If we stick with vibrators, there are plenty of decisions and choices that need to be made when choosing your first one, but put simply you need to consider the following:

1. Size is perhaps the first thing you need to think about because using a dildo is pretty invasive (in a nice way of course!) so you don’t really want to be starting with a huge dildo if you’ve never used one before.

   You probably ought to go for something small and discreet to start with because that way you will feel completely in control and you can safely store you new little friend in your purse or bedside drawer.




2. Shape is your next consideration because you need to decide whether you want a vaginal or anal dildo. If you’re looking at vibrators then it’s more about the sensation than shape or size and for starters, you’re probably better off getting a vibrator.




3. Material is important because you need to decide whether you want something that is realistic to the touch or smooth and cold. The most popular material is probably silicone because it is easy to clean and it can be cooled or warmed up quickly.

Size, shape and material are all very well, I hear you say, but what products should you be looking for? There are literally thousands to choose from so where do you start?

We could discuss options for days on end, but the safest option is probably to go for something small and perhaps to start with a vibrator rather than a dildo.

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