Are You in a Sexual Rut? Part 5: The “I Don’t Like the Way I look/ Low Self Esteem” Rut

I’ve personally been in this rut and I can tell you it’s not much fun, but the good news is that it’s not permanent and there are some things you can do to move through to the other side.

Let’s look at what’s going on. There are a few reasons why someone would fall into this rut:

1. You’ve put on weight, sometimes a lot (some pregnant women get caught in this one)
2. Some accident has occurred and you now have some “unsightly” scaring or deformity
3. You’ve come out of a relationship that was emotionally damaging leaving you low and vulnerable, wondering who will love you and are you good enough (you are by the way)

There are more reasons for it but these are the more common ones and the answer lies in the same place… Your mind and the way you perceive yourself.

Have you ever seen a bigger woman, or a woman with scarring/deformities who radiates confidence and sensuality? She is quite proud of her curves, she has other flattering features and men find her sexy as hell. Not necessarily because of her fuller figure, but in her overall presence. She has no hang ups about how she looks, she thinks of herself as desirable and therefore when she walks in a room, it’s noticeable.

I’m not talking about those women who think they’re God’s gift, these women are just comfortable in their own skin which is what makes them attractive and someone people want to be around. They take pride in their appearance in that they dress in clothing that flatters their assets (and I’m not just talking about their breasts), they have their hair and makeup done nicely in a way that suits their face.

When you feel good about yourself, you put time and energy into the way you dress and present yourself to the world, you walk with your head held high, you radiate a particular energy and you attract people to want to get to know you. We naturally gravitate towards people like that and it doesn’t matter how much weight they have on, what scarring or deformities they have, it’s just the positive and happy energy they radiate that attracts us.

We want to be around these people because most don’t feel great about themselves and it’s the positive people that help us feel better about ourselves and the world we’re in.

So where do you start? Right where the main source of the problem lies… Your self image or self concept. We need to start digging out the junk you have in your mind that is dragging you down rather than making you shine. The answer is to work on building your self esteem, self confidence and a positive self concept that empowers you rather than deflating you.

Go and get your pad and pen. Give yourself some uninterrupted time and space to do this so you really gain maximum benefit from it – 15 minutes or more. On a blank page write down absolutely everything you think about yourself but you have only 5 minutes and you must be writing for that whole time. The important thing here is not to judge your answers, don’t think about if they are right or wrong or what they mean, just write whatever comes into you head – and I mean everything.

Write any self talk that goes on especially when you’re looking in a mirror or when you think about having to be naked in front of someone else. Write it all down and just when you think you have it all written down, ask yourself again. Force yourself to come up with more answers to fill the 5 minutes. The reason is that when you force yourself past the blank spots, you start to give the deeper unconscious answers which is where the real ‘ah ha’ moments come from.

Use the following sentences to help you and if you get stuck, come back and use the sentences again:

You may like to read::

1. Are You in a Sexual Rut? Part 2: The “Got Too Much Going On, so I’m Too Tired” Rut
2. Are You in a Sexual Rut? Part 3: The “Not Feeling Loved/ Fallen Out of Love” Rut

No Responses to “Are You in a Sexual Rut? Part 5: The “I Don’t Like the Way I look/ Low Self Esteem” Rut”